In-case you didn’t know some shitty Hot Topic Tarantino Rockabilly Stripper wrote a shitty / cutesy movie called Juno. White people love it and gave it awards. Your friends say it’s a “cute little movie” because they like the mopey bum out soundtrack (Lucky Mag gave it three smiley faces!) and they have a pervy crush on Ellen Page.
In light of Ellen’s offensive job on SNL this weekend including the most awkward dancing and the worst “sistah” immitation ever put on a television let’s dig into Juno.
In reality a few things aren’t being mentioned about this steaming pile of Urbanian Outfitted Hamburger Phone garbage. Let’s review.
1. Fast Times At Ridgemont High is a real depiction of an unwanted pregnancy laced w/humor. No one in Juno is Damone, Rat, Spicoli or even Forrest Lazyeye so why try to trick me into caring about some shitty doughy second generation Garden State spazz chick or that dude who doesn’t know that he’s not on Arrested Development anymore.
No one in this movie is remotely cool or quotable, I hate the words Home and Skillet. It reminds me of Cheerleader chicks constantly saying “cool beans” in high school and the faint scent of the bile rising in my throat that would make me throw up a little in my mouth upon hearing that combo.
This is not a dramedy , it’s a Horror movie. Children take note, everything won’t be ok if you accidentally drop your seed up in a non-US resident, it’s all bad.
Side Note - Imagine if Henry Winkler got a lot of work after Happy Days and just kept being the Fonz? That would be ridiculous, Mike Cera, cut the fucking shit, it’s stale homie.
2. More Importantly, most importantly this movie and it’s adoring fans are racist. The NPR / Mature Indie Blog crowd wouldn’t give a fuck about an inner city minority girl having an unwanted child but slap some indie-folk and pseudo quirky cast in the mix and we’re hooked. I hate white people. Straight up racist. Basically if some annoying cunt that likes classic rock, plays in a shitty band and has a wacky phone we’re supposed to be “sucked in”. No thanks.
Think about the movie First Blood. We’re supposed to feel bad for Rambo. He’s just an honorable white vet who’s shell shocked from the war, wrong place wrong time. Send ANY black dude into the same situation and you get the same result, he doesn’t have to be a vet. Once again a non story. No white face from the burbs would go see a movie about a black dude who gets unjustly harrassed by police and fights back unless it ends with the black dude being saved from jail time by a hunky white lawyer. If dashing Clive Owen got Denzel off, it would rain Oscars.
Do you think cool black people would want to check out a movie about a black kid who talks with a calm NPR over-annunciated cadence with really supportive , well adjusted parents who push him to go to college while ignoring his rap music loving troublemaker friends? Booooring. Sell out. It’s a non story, though some white douche who distributes free condoms on a veggie oil scooter might worship it.
Therefore, Juno….Racist.
I liked it better when you could spot racism easily.
Don’t support anyone inspired by Betty Paige. Thank you.
If you like this movie, it’s soundtrack or leopard print dresses with flats you are a racist.
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March 4th, 2008 at 4:12 am
“The NPR / Mature Indie Blog crowd wouldn
March 4th, 2008 at 5:51 am
I think it is fair game to ask those questions and I like the comparison to Fast Times, which is a masterpiece. From the way I understand the industry; any story could have easily been about any minority group and then be sanitized, focus grouped and bleached down into a nice cute white package for mass consumption. I don’t know that it happened, but I’m sure like all movies - some parts of Juno were precisely calculated for the market. Not sure it is a racist cabal, but the greater media system sure does seem to be racially biased, just like the way the demographic that consumes it can be.
March 4th, 2008 at 7:55 am
I thought it was a decent movie. Went with my little brother Cole, got some candy and popcorn, nice little Saturday afternoon. But I am white ( literally ), I listen to NPR (in fact my dad is a DJ there) I like indie-folk music and take part in a blog…wait a minute! Damn it! and this whole time I thought I liked black people!
March 4th, 2008 at 7:56 am
I just got the headline, Did Ju-no. Clever, clever.
March 4th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Juno update, a friend of mine knows someone at an agency that gets several scripts. When Juno began floating around he told me that everyone was so appauled with how terrible and poorly written it was that it became the new standard for bad.
Shitty scripts were then judged by how JUNO they were.
March 4th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
More on Juno script: It was the top of “the List” 100 from a few years ago, when Leo’s assistant sent out a mass email to all the other assistants in Hollywood asking “What are the 5 best scripts you read this year?” Little Miss Sunshine and Juno were in the top ten, and most of the rest of the 10 are in development. So, thanks to Leo, we have at least two Fox Searchlite $100 million dollar grossing films.
March 4th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
I used to read scripts when I was a lowly assistant in LA. The worst I read by far was “Pay It Forward.” It didn’t exactly win an Oscar, but it was certainly made into a big budget film. As a script, what Juno says to me, more than anything is that there’s a great lack of originality and thinspiration in Hollywood, so people mistake “quirky” for “new and original” all the time. Juno is just the bastard child of Margo Tennenbaum and Napoleon Dynamite. Wait, rememeber the chick from Freaks and Geeks? Lindsay Weir? No, because that was way before people took Judd Apatow seriously. That was “cute” and quirky (and original). But anyway, shit like Juno’s been done (better) before. And I agree with Anthony that there isn’t anything too funny about a pregnant lesbian teenager.
March 4th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
If people like your friends friend are suppose to know better ( and do apparently) then why did it get nominated by everyone everywhere? Someone gave a shit about the stripper flick. Not just Oscars but the globes and Independent Spirit too. The ones who vote for the awards are knowledgeable industry insiders, right? and Rachel-I heart Lindsay Weir.
March 4th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
If I thought anyone in the entertainment industry was knowledgable I’d fucking kill myself. These are the fucking assholes who told me Hardcore was noise, give awards to Tom Hanks and busted Strippers. Awards are for shareholders. If I cared about awards I’d listen to the Foo Fighters, live in an overly designed Condo, Vote for Obama and jerk off to Ellen Paige.
I’ve met enough industry people to know that they wouldn’t understand art if it was fucking them up the ass with an Oscar, Grammy or American Music Award (what do those look like?)
No thanks.
March 4th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
I would give what it takes to get that special Oscars screening DVD set. Guess I’m not knowledgeable enough, though.
April 6th, 2008 at 12:20 am
Is it hypocritical to bash this movie and call its fans racist while at the same time stating “I hate white people.”? It’s hard for me to tell… I kind of liked the movie, so I might be blinded by my racism.
May 9th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
[...] let me just clarify for everyone before you get knocked up… -As Anthony stated previously in his post, pregnant teens are fine as long as you are white. If not, surely your evil spawn will return to [...]
May 20th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
You do a terrible job of showing how this movie is racist, and what’s worse, it actually is racist. Going beyond your rather offensive (even if true) hating “white people” comment, your only validation for it being racist is that it involves people with pale skin and unremarkable features in the Midwest.
You could have pointed to the multiple offensive remarks made towards multiple ethinic groups(admittedly by fictional characters), or better yet, the scene with the abortion protester Su-Chin, which has numerous racially charged implications, especially given the stereotypes surrounding people of Asian descent.
May 29th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Are you kidding? You show no actual examples of racism in the movie, and all of your blows are petty and stupid. Just because they are not black does not mean the movie is racist.
June 22nd, 2008 at 10:00 pm
“Do you think cool black people would want to check out a movie about a black kid who talks with a calm NPR over-annunciated cadence with really supportive , well adjusted parents who push him to go to college while ignoring his rap music loving troublemaker friends? Booooring. Sell out.”
Boyz N The Hood.